In anticipation of our adoption we've been taking these parenting classes and reading parenting material centered on Trust Based Relational Interventions. It basically means you learn to be an authority figure who wins the trust of your child. If you are a believer,
then you might recognize this in terms of a God who wants us to obey out of love.
In "The Connected Child," the author gives advice that I feel is beneficial for every parent. You can read it yourself on page 100 of the digital version. This section is titled "Conserve Your Words."
Have you ever heard the term "Save your breath"? Well, as parents we get frustrated and tired of repeating ourselves. It seems like you have to tell your child the same thing over and over before they do it. Well, here's the tip from Dr. Karyn Purvis,
"When you first give an instruction, try to use a normal voice so your child gets in the habit of obeying your speaking voice. Even though you may feel impatient, don't let loose with a flood of words that tumble out on top of each other. Discipline yourself to conserve your words."
This blew my mind, Are we getting our kids used to yelling at them before they listen to us? Are they obeying because they will be punished, yelled at, or badgered? Or does you kid want to make you happy? It's going to require spending quality relationship building time together. Only the adult in authority can change the parent child relationship. Hopefully our kids do learn to obey out of love.
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